I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
