forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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