mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize