guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
