Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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