He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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