you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
