First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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