You smell like a Billy Joel song
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
