pop tarts are not kleenex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
