end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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