Don't you send me to vm
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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