He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
