just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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