He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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