After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
