I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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