Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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