That's intense
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
