you guys were way drunker than both of me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
