My sheets look like a crime scene.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
