He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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