if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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