dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize