I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
