My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
