my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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