i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
