Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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