No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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