Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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