My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
