Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
