he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
