Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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