I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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