That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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