the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
