just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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