To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
