I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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