I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
