Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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