Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize