i permit you to call me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
