You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
