Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize