were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
