I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
