I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
