I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
