i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
