I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
