there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
