so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I AM VODKA MAN
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
