I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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