I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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