i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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