The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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