the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
