I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
