you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
