he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
