I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
two words: eviction party
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
