I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
