I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
