I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
