Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
